Parent

Handling Jealousy Issues of Older Children with a Newborn

The firstborn child is the center of attention in the family unit. That is until another member arrives. Depending on the separation of age between them, it’s normal to expect differing degrees of jealousy. The older child is no longer the recipient of undivided attention upon the arrival of the new sibling. Keeping an eye on things will avoid much unpleasantness later.

As soon as it’s possible, start introducing the idea that there’s going to be an addition to the household. Work on easing fears before the next child arrives. Preparing the soon to be older child for the changes that are going to occur can help alleviate a lot of stress on them. Some children can’t wait for the arrival of a sibling, others will resent it greatly.

Children who feel threatened by the arrival of another child may start acting out. They may exhibit behaviors such as biting or kicking, which are absolutely inappropriate. It’s important to stop these actions quickly. Not addressing the issues may see the older child try to hurt their new sibling. In short, do not give in to tantrums or other poor behavior. Go straight for the harshest punishment possible, such as taking the child away from the activity at hand. Time outs don’t work since the child gets to return to whatever they were doing. It needs to be driven home that there will be no tolerating any actions that are out of line.

Work on reassuring the child that their status with the parent will not change with the arrival of the newborn. Stress the fact that they’re the one that the younger child will eventually look up to. The idea is to make the arrival of the next child as positive an experience as can be, and impressing that on the first born can make a difference.

Filed Under: News & Issues Tagged With: Child, Parent, Sibling

Dealing With Developmental Setbacks

: Image via Wikipedia

Autism seems to be the big worry amongst parents these days, although it’s not the only mental development issue out there. Getting a confirmed diagnosis of an issue is enough to make the parent’s heart sink into their shoes. As bad as it may seem at the time, the reality is much different. So many childhood development issues are very well known these days. They come complete with methods and regimens on how to deal with these issues.

The first thing to do when getting a diagnosis is to not panic. It is not the absolute end of the world if a child is diagnosed with an issue. Many children have gotten through their setbacks and entered the world to be productive adults. It can be said that sometimes their minds don’t keep up with their bodies, then all of a sudden it will click together. Take a deep breath first then ask the doctor about the severity of the problem. The less severe the issue, the easier it is to handle. Easier is most certainly subjective in this situation.

Life does go on after the problem has been discovered. Things will evolve to a point where it seems normal that the child is the way they are. And the household will benefit strongly from everyone treating the child as if they were as normal as everyone else. Tip-toeing around the problem doesn’t do anyone any good and only reinforces the idea that there’s something wrong, which can be especially damaging to the child in question.

Understanding is key to coping with the situation. Research the Internet, ask questions no matter how dumb they may seem, seek out forums with parents who are raising children with the same issues. Listen to what the experts have to say and follow their advice as they have the widest knowledge on the subject.

Filed Under: News & Issues Tagged With: Child, Diagnosis, Parent

Firm and Consistent Communication Makes for a Happy Household

Just like there are different parenting styles, there are different speaking styles. Parents who are always yelling at their kids, parents that barely make a squeak, and parents who get the point across without raising their voice.

Yelling accomplishes nothing but discord. Kids don’t care to be yelled at all the time and will start resorting to disruptive behaviors. At the very least, a child will yell back, act up, or simply tune out the parent. It does nothing for the child’s need to relate to their parent. Constant negativity in the form of shouting or put downs tend to shape a child into either a withdrawn personality or one that’s always getting into trouble.

Passivity from the parents creates spoiled brats. These types of parents rarely raise their voice, make weak protests, rarely come out and say no, and wind up with kids that no one wants to be around. The children wind up with no sense of boundaries or social graces. Sometimes the parents will snap and say something sharp, but the groundwork has been laid and the child will most likely pay little heed to the command.

A firm and consistent parent shapes a child into a responsible personality. Children have a strong sense of fairness and look to the adult to provide that. So when a directive is given by a parent and the child doesn’t feel that they should do it, they may ask why. Patience on the parent’s part is key here. Sometimes a “because I said so” suffices, sometimes it may take a little explanation as to why something is necessary. For instance, a child may not understand why they have to cooperate with someone they don’t get along with. Taking the time to explain that we all have to do things we don’t like in life starts the child on to further comprehension and cooperation.

Filed Under: Support & Resources Tagged With: Child, Parent, Parenting styles, Patience

What to Consider When Weighing Working at Home

Being able to work from home is a plus for many parents. They don’t have to commute anywhere, don’t have to spend money on gas, and are able to stay at home with the kids. It’s a win-win situation all around. But is it?

Certainly everyone benefits. There’s no need to send a younger child to day care, meaning the parent can raise their kid on their own. But when some thought is put into it, it’s only for the first few years of life that the child is going to be at home for any meaningful time. Once they go into school full time, the reasons for staying home are a little less urgent. To be sure, not having to go into work is a luxury, but sometimes it’s good for everyone to get some space from each other.

It’s normal for a parent to want to be home as the children come home from school. There is, however, a time when the kids start wanting their own privacy and won’t be as interactive as they once were. It’s an unfortunate fact of growing up. That’s not to say that the parent can’t sit down and have face to face time with their kids. It’s just that when children age, they start developing a sense of self and want their own space. So sometimes not being at home when they get back from school can do everyone a little bit of good.

Ultimately this is a subject that’s has to be determined by the individual situation. Weigh the pros and cons on how the family will be affected. Is your home going to turn into a hang out spot because you’re the only adult around? Are you doing this for yourself, or for the greater good of the family? Only you can decide if working at home is right for your family.

Filed Under: Parenting Roles Tagged With: Child, Day care, Parent, Telecommuting

The Television is not a Babysitter

Parents often use a television program to babysit their young children. There’s nothing easier than plopping the tot into a playpen with their toys and putting on the latest kid’s program. But is it really such a good idea?

Not really. Research is showing that the more time a child spends in front of a television in their first 28 months will translate to learning issues a couple of years later. They will tend to not test as well as their classmates. Eventually they will catch up, but they start out behind the eight ball.

While this is should be a major concern for parents, there are other issues that should be considered as well. The child gets used to being sedentary and having their mind exercised by the television. In turn, they don’t move around as much as they should, starting them on the road to potential obesity.

Nor is the necessary stimulus provided by playing with toys and interacting with others. Social skills begin when speech starts developing. Just staring at something that talks to them does not encourage the children to develop their vocabulary or understand how to play well with others. There is also less discussion with the parents which may undermine respect as the child ages.

This is not to say don’t sit a child down in front of the TV. There are times that the parent needs to get something important done and the child is being insistent on getting attention. Instead, make sure that the time spent watching a program is for short periods of time. Once the job is finished, take a few minutes for oneself, but don’t let the child spend much more than a couple of hours by themselves. As with everything else in life, moderation is the key to success.

Filed Under: Parenting Roles Tagged With: Babysitting, Child, Parent, Television

Leaving the House for Work Doesn’t Negatively Affect Kids

Moms worry about leaving the home to go back to work after having a children. It’s only natural as instinct tells us to stay with our children to protect them. Comments such as “I don’t want someone else raising my child” are common refrains when deciding against child care. But does having someone else watch your child really affect their relationship with their parents and their learning?

According to a study that was followed for 50 years, not really. The study began in 1960, when fewer moms worked outside. It was found that leaving the home offers emotional and economic benefits that may not be provided by having a single-income home. It’s also thought that having a mom that works gives the children a role model to look up to. A child watching their parent go to work demonstrates a form of success, one that the child will aspire to as they grow older. Working parents also provide a sort of framework for the child as to what to expect when they reach working age.

Economics plays a factor to a certain degree. Children of middle to upper class parents tend to demonstrate negative behaviors, more so than their lower class counterparts, if the mother goes back to work full time before the child is a year old. Financial stresses are felt by children differently. A lower income household understands that the parents work to provide for them, whereas higher income households may feel resentment towards both parents working. The children of wealthier homes will also be more prone to poor academic behavior.

The moral is one of parents shouldn’t worry about their child’s well being when they go back to work. Certainly each situation will be different from the next, but by being flexible and making adjustments when necessary, the kids will be all right.

Filed Under: Support & Resources Tagged With: Child, Childcare, Mother, Parent

Ruling the Roost: Parents Need to Say No

Children try to whine, plead, and wheedle their way into getting what they want. And it’s up to the parents to make the judgment on when to say no and when to say yes. Modern society feels that parents give in way too often to their children with the result that the kids walk all over their parents. Stop this by learning to say no.

It’s easy to give in as it stops the annoying behavior instantly, causing peace to be returned to the household. But too many parents ignore the reality that raising kids can be an unpleasant task at times. So instead of holding their ground, they give into the demands, which in turn teaches the child that acting poorly is a way to get rewarded.

This translates into a child that becomes unpleasant to be around. The parents may not notice because they get what they want, which is quiet and harmony. Others who interact with the kids aren’t as inured to the behavior and will quickly tire of the spoiled brat. This is a set up for trouble as others will not be as yielding of the child’s demands. Fights will break out between playmates, possibly causing them to not want to come back.

Parents need to hold the line when it comes to saying no. Discipline is an important part of growing up. It needs to be instilled from an early age that the parent is the source of no, and they cannot be gotten past. Don’t be the parent that becomes known as the one who spoils their children rotten, and not in a good way.

Resist the urge to constantly give in to a child’s demands. Don’t let their whining get under the skin. They’ll learn quickly that negative behavior will not be rewarded with what they want.

Filed Under: Parenting Roles Tagged With: Behavior, Child, Family, Parent

Stopping Childhood Fears From Turning into a Problem

Fear is a part of childhood. It’s normal, it’s natural. Children sometimes need to be taught that a new stimulus isn’t so scary since logic capabilities aren’t developed yet. Be a proactive parent by teaching that their fears can be safely abated.

Don’t be frustrated by the fact that a child may have what seems to be a simple fear. Their view of the world is much different than an adult’s, both from a height and stimulus perspective. For example: A neighbor has a Great Dane as a pet, and they come over for a visit. The two year old child who’s seeing this dog for the first time will most likely get upset and start crying, especially if they don’t live with any pets. To the uninitiated child, the dog is a giant monster that is much bigger than they are and instinct kicks in. They do not have the capacity for dealing with the image the dog presents.

Try not to laugh too hard at the child’s reaction. They’ll think they’re being made fun of, something that children get resentful of easily. Instead, work on calming them down first. Pick them up and talk to them, then start petting the dog. Show them that the dog isn’t scary and only wants to be their friend. Encourage the child to reach out and pet the dog, giving them a tactile experience that’s non-threatening. The actions of the parent will help the child put things together in their mind that “doggy is your friend, doggy feels good and likes being pet.”

To be sure there will be other issues that will cause fearful reactions in a child. The best thing to do is to address the issue without being harsh about it. Find solutions that work and keep everyone calm. The child will grow up knowing how to get to the bottom of their fears and deal with it.

Filed Under: Support & Resources Tagged With: Child, Dog, Fear, Health, Parent

Understanding General Anxiety Disorder in Children

It’s strange to think of children suffering from anxiety. Why would they? Their lives are carefree, unencumbered by adult concerns. Unfortunately kids can suffer from general anxiety disorder, just like adults. And research is suggesting that it’s an inheritable trait. IE if a parent suffers from anxiety, so will their offspring.

Start by identifying if your child is suffering from attacks. Sometimes a child will have be anxious over an issue but gets over it relatively quickly. Provided there’s no repeat to the behavior, chances are good that it’s not a sign of the disorder. True suffering from anxiety manifests itself over a period of time. Keep an eye out for repetitive symptoms, such as stomach aches, phantom illnesses, and a general sense of insecurity. GAD creates physical symptoms that have no connection to an actual cause.

Once it’s determined that the physical problems are from GAD, it’s time to root out the cause. A sufferer will internalize the problem and not really talk about it. So the parent may have a more difficult time finding the source. Be persistent, draw out the child, and get them to discuss the problem. Sometimes it’s a change at school or some form of peer pressure. Other times it may be a bit more obvious such as a move.

It’s at this point where the parent needs to make the decision to send the child into therapy and/or medicate. GAD will follow the child into adulthood so it may not be a bad idea to address the problem sooner than later. Probably the most effective form of therapy may be cognitive. It encourages the child to discuss their feelings and how to work through them in a non-confrontational way.

It’s not a good idea to ignore the signs of GAD. Letting it go untreated can cause problems for the child down the road.

Filed Under: News & Issues Tagged With: Anxiety, Generalized anxiety disorder, Parent